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  1. Hello Brooklynn! Make fun of me if you want, but I have not seen Finding Nemo in so many years that I do not fully remember the plot if the story. Maybe I have a bit of Dory's memory loss (if I remember correctly) haha! With that said, your author's note was fantastic. It did a great job of refreshing my mind of the scene that was the inspiration for your story. Without this the reader would likely be a bit lost. I also really like how you correlated it to the "The Cunning Crane and the Crab". Lastly, I really like your website. It has a great layout and is certainly visually appealing. The only thing I have for you to consider is to include a link to your comment wall on your story page. I haven't done that yet either but as I write these comments on other people's posts I have seen it on other people's sites. It really does make it more convenient for the reader. Great story and site, Brooklynn!

  2. I really enjoyed your story “Nemo Horror Story.” It was a really creative way to connect the original tale with a cunning crane and a crab to a classic Disney film, and it also makes the story more approachable. The style of writing was really fitting for the story, as it felt like I was reading an entertainment news story of a mysterious anonymous interview that reveals shocking details. The Disney press statement added more to this style, and I felt really immersed when reading your story. Certain detail choices really add to this, such as the lack of dialogue making it more realistic and official sounding. I also liked how your story shifted the focus from the crab, or Bloat the pufferfish, to Gill’s scar. It made the story more unique and offered more creative liberty. It’d be interesting to write more about what happened to Bloat and potentially weave in more Indian stories using this style. Overall, it was a great story!

  3. Hi Brooklynn!
    I remember reading this story all those weeks ago when we first started writing stories for the class. I was browsing stories to get an idea of how I wanted to write mine when I came across this one, and I was speechless! It was so creative and outside of the box, and it was such an interesting and dark spin on the original Jataka Tale, which is already a pretty dark story. One detail that I especially love is that you turned your entire story into a press conference-type statement. I hadn’t read your author’s note yet when I wrote that as a note to include in this comment, so I think it was a genius idea to change the style of your story from a typical story to a press statement. I wonder if you would be willing to weave in reactions from the public into this story. Since this is a scandal, I think shifting perspective even further to where it is someone reading the press statement and then reacting to it would give your story even more dimension and depth. It is already really great though, so that is just an idea! Overall, fantastic job. I am excited to read some of your other stories!

  4. Hi Brooklynn!
    First off, I love the image banner on your homepage. I enjoy looking at trippy pictures, especially late at night when I am reading stories. Your retelling of "The Cunning Crab and the Crab" in a Finding Nemo version is really creative! I like how the Fish in the original story was Gill and the story was centered around how he got his scar instead of him dying. I also like the press release or news article format style of the story. To go further with the story, you could incorporate an interview with the actors on set such as Gill and Bloat to get their thoughts on the Chris. Also it would be interesting to read a follow up on "Where is Chris Now?". Did he go to prison for attempted homicide? The world wants to know! I enjoyed reading this story and I look forward to reacting to more!

  5. Hello, Brooklynn, I read your story Nemo and I thought that it was a unique twist of Finding Nemo. I like that you used Nemo as the inspiration for your version of The Cunning Crane and the Crab, because everybody knows or thought that they knew what happened in Finding Nemo. One thing that I was suggest would be to maybe add how the news of the incident came about or how the public found out. By adding this information, it could add some more drama to your story and draw the readers in from the beginning of the story. Overall, I thought your story was a fun and unique way to retell the original story. I’m excited to read the rest of your stories this semester.

  6. Hi Brooklyn! Finding Nemo is definitely one of my childhood favorites so I love how you used it! I enjoyed reading your story. I think your title was great, it really grabs the readers attention. I love how you used Nemo because I feel like most people have seen it and know of the movie. It really helps create a connection with readers which I think makes the story more interesting. I love the writing style that you used, it was very unique. Great choice on shifting the focus from the different characters. Your story is unique in how you changed the story to a press statement style. I honestly think you did an amazing job! Just an idea, maybe for future stories you can do a continuation of this story like for example you could incorporate what happened to the bloat in your next Indian story, just a thought!

  7. Hey Brooklynn,
    I just finished reading your story- Halfway honest- and I really enjoyed reading it. I loved the friendship that you showed between Josh and Ben, it did remind me of my teenage years and my best friend from back then. I was confused with Ben's statement "Yes, I have finished all my homework." I understand that he mumbled "math homework" under his breath but that still does not contradict the first statement. The first statement still stands. The way it worked in the original story was because the first statement was also true. Ashwatthama was dead, even though the one they were talking about was an elephant. Hence, it can be considered a half-truth. Josh's statement should be considered a lie and not a half- truth. It would be so much better if you can switch things up a little bit. Maybe, just make him say he did all his "math homework" and make the mother busy doing something, so she would not notice. Other than that, the story was beautifully written. I look forward to reading more stories from you!

  8. Hello Brooklyn! I am back again! Last time I read your story "Nemo Horror Story" and this time I have read your second story, "Half Way Honest". Before reading it, I went to check out what your inspiration was first. I also read Tiny Tales from The Mahabharata! I went back and read "Drona hears word of Ashwatthama's Death" to refresh myself. It was very cool to see how you made such drastic changes whilst keeping the original premise intact. I also like how you incorporated a bit of dialogue between characters. I have never really written stories before so this is something that I am working on doing myself. I would also like to take a second to say that you write fantastic author's notes. Although I went back and read the original, I definitely did not have to. You do a great job of summarizing the original and explaining exactly what you did to make it your own. Great work!

  9. Hi Brooklynn! Your story was a very good one overall! I think everyone can relate to the time when they were young and started to understand the concept of "half truths". The fact that this is so relatable is a real plus for your story, and any story overall. If everyone reading can understand and envision themselves within your story- it becomes just that much more powerful! There are a couple of technical mistakes that you made in your writing: there were a couple of vocatives that needed commas after them (I have been making this mistake a lot myself, which is the only reason I caught it), and there were a few instances in which you had a comma but didn't need one. Also, in the second paragraph, I think you have a comma where you should have a period in the phrase "....prior, My teacher......" I look forward to reading more of your stories!

  10. Hey Brooklynn!

    I loved both of your stories. You did a fantastic job at adapting the stories for completely different settings, genres, etc. The Nemo story had me chuckling throughout it, especially when I realized what story you were retelling.

    In the Half Way Honest story, there is a little bit that I feel would make more sense if it were changed a little bit. Josh’s mom tried to verify that Josh had completed “ALL of [his] homework,” to which Josh replied that he had and mumbled that he had completed all of his math homework. That feels like more of a full lie than a half lie to me. If Josh had never lied to his mother before, then I don’t think she would feel the need to clarify that point. What if you changed that bit to have the mom trust Josh a bit more and Josh feels guilty about deceiving her?

  11. Hi Brooklynn!
    I am from the Mythology and Folklore class. This week we had the option to check out some of your class's projects as well, so naturally I picked yours because we have the same name!
    I read your nemo story and love that you tied in something very familiar to the readers to the story you were inspired by. It was very entertaining and I like that it was in press release form. It was also very clever to take the detail of Gill's scar and make a whole story about it! One question I had while reading was, why is Gill thankful to the Disney producers when they put his life in danger? At the beginning of the story it says that Walt Disney is manipulative and unsympathetic, so wouldn't Gill be mad and perhaps file a lawsuit or something?
    Overall, such an entertaining story and so creative! The set up of your website is very easy to navigate.
    Good luck the rest of the semester!

  12. Hi Brooklynn! I really liked this story! I thought that the concept was unique and the execution was well done. I have read another of your stories: "Half-way Honest". Its cool to get a feeling for your storybook!
    One thing that I might consider thinking about for your story is right at the end when you are talking about the statement that Gill makes to the press. You give him the line "so little respect for other people's lives." I think that in this scenario Gill would probably have something more vehement to say. It would even be possible to say that Gill did not make a statement to the press- he is still in the process of recovering and taking his time with his family. Also, at the end of this sentence, you have "Said Gill." The "said" in this instance does not need to be capitalized, as the sentence is not finished.

  13. Hi Brooklyn! Great work on your portfolio. I liked that all of your retellings were in modern times, I think those are just really fun to figure out. All of them were so creative, too, especially the Finding Nemo one! I never would have thought to come up with that. I think the writing in your stories is good, and the images work well, too. The one thing I would say on those is on your Half-way Honest story, the full image can't be seen at the top. I don't know if there's a way you can fix that, but that might be helpful for the readers. This weeks focus is on paragraphs, and I think your paragraph lengths are great except they're a bit long on your Dear Diary story. I also would recommend making the width of your text boxes smaller so that it's easier for readers. When the text goes all the way across the page, it can be tiring on your eyes. I realized this same thing while working on my Storybook.

  14. Hey Brooklynn, I enjoyed looking at your portfolio and reading the stories you have written. The Beginning line in "Amba's Diary" absolutely sent me!! "High school sucks! And so do BOYS!" This was so funny. This was a really cute story and I enjoyed reading it, it kind of reminded me of something I would have read on Watpad or Quotev back in the day!
    Your Nemo Horror Story was also super interesting! I like the way you took inspiration from The Cunning Crane And The Crab and worked it into he plot of Finding Nemo. I think it translated really well and made such a fun story. It is definitely slightly morbid when you think of it in terms of Disney, but I enjoyed it.
    Finally, your last story Half Way Honest was very well written. i enjoy the way you write your stories and how the words flow from left to right. I think that you are doing a really good job, and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of the semester!

  15. Hi Brooklynn! Full disclosure - I've never seen Finding Nemo. I know, it's a tragedy, but lucky it didn't detract from your story at all. I thought it was very clever to write the Cunning Crane and the Crab story in that press-release-style framework, and the idea of a Disney cover-up regarding animated "actors" is just hysterical. I also enjoyed Halfway Honest as a less dreary retelling of the story of Drona & Ashwatthama (poor elephant!) and I may or may not have been able to relate to the characters more than I'd like to admit. Finally, "Bhishma's Back to School Bash" is probably my favorite phrase for the week (I love alliteration) and the story of Amba and her sisters being told as a diary entry from a high school teenager was excellent. I appreciated that every story had its own banner image...really great work. I hope you had a nice semester and your finals go well!


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